Good evening all.. I'm writing a quickie post to wish all of you a wonderful and Happy New Year!
Party like it's 2010!
Hope to be back soon.. I know I have been saying that forever.. But I still miss blogging and want to come back into it again.. well I will see how things go for next bit..
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
A pretty tree.. Mines nicer..lol
My handsome little man!
This is a beautiful stone garden area looking over a section of the Gorge
Some rapids.. There was a Grey Crane standing in the mix of the rapids on one foot.. I wish I had my other camera to zoom in..
Our new car.. 96 Mercury Mystique it had 127,000 km on it when we bought this .. got a great deal through a friend that works at a dealership.. She is soooo perty.. and she drives very nicely..She is a metallic raspberry with grey interior and it has 4 doors.. Yeah! A very large trunk with the back seats fold down if needed..
Good bye old car...
Mr and Mrs Hairy
Awhile back I wrote about my adoption story. Well this is about another adoption that took place back in 1986. Michael Edward was born via C-section at McMaster Children's Hospital. It was a very long labour and labour had to be induced.. There were some complications that required him to be born via c-section.
Flash forward 24 years later and that young man is handsome and strong and very loving.
Michael is my son. I had Michael for a few short month's and in the end gave him up for adoption. I tried my best to raise him while living at home with my parents. It was very difficult as his father wasn't always around to help. My parents didn't think too much of him and although he too was adopted they felt he wasn't "Fatherly" material. Personally he wasn't given a chance to prove to them that he was a capable person. He had come to visit a few times while I was recovering in the hospital and he was always treated poorly..Eventually I went home to continue recovering and Michael stayed at the hospital. I was determined to raise him whether or not his Father was there to help. My parents made sure of that. I kept telling my parents that I wanted to bring him home and the conversation we had while sitting at the dinner table was they would "allow" me to keep him.. The next day we went to pick Michael up and bring him home. It was a happy day. My parents I'm sure had their reservations and concerns as I was 19 and had had a difficult time while previously living on my own. Once I was home Michael's Father would come for day visits and help when he could. I had such a difficult time getting along with my parents by this point and the controlling nature of my Mother.
A few month's went by and my Mother had pissed me off so much that after she left for work I made arrangements to get a ride into Guelph and get a bus back to Hamilton. I took what money I had from the bank and went back to see his Father. He had no idea that I was coming and it was quite the surprise when I arrived with baby in tow.
Later in the evening after going out to "celebrate" our freedom, my parents had managed to find us and took Michael back home and preceded to make plans for his adoption. I returned the following day I felt so powerless and scared. I had no one but Michael's Father to lean on and he felt powerless too. We had no one to turn to and knowing what my parents were capable of ,I knew that defying them further would make things way worse.
Once I returned home they immediately told me that they felt it was better if I made the decision of adoption. But in reality they had made it for me and again felt powerless and betrayed by people that said they would do anything for me. But what it was really about was helping themselves. They had had 24 hours to decide for me what they would do and but they needed to have my written consent.
I have had many a sad day in my life and this was by far the worse day. It still is. It is not something you can easily forget.
Once his Father and I signed the papers, (my parents wanted it to be an open adoption.. for their selfish needs) they knew if they did things like this they would have access and be able to visit and see him grow up. But it was all for their benefit. They did not feel I was owed anything after I put them through this ordeal. Eventually his Father and I ended things as we no longer could see a future as a family. Never mind what this was doing to my mental health. (It was always my fault too that my Mother ended up in a Psych Hospital.. Ya.. Like I needed that on my conscience.) I had mourned this as if it was a death.. It took many years for me to get past the anger and resentment.. I am still angry and resentful, but just as disappointed. I still have trust issues to this day.
Well a few years back my parents called me to confirm what had already been said to tell me that they knew his whereabouts and wanted to plan a visit with him, his Mother and myself.. and of course my parents.. Arrangements were made, but he did not know that I was his Birthmother. We were friends of the family and I was along for the ride. I had some support of Solipsist as he felt they had done some horrible things to us as kids and wanted to be there to back me up.. I called him and he came all the way from Grimsby, Ontario. When I was introduced to Michael I was nervous but he was so tall and handsome and had my nose. He could very well be a model. I was floored .. I had a lovely one on one talk with his Mother and knew that he was given so much love and that I had given her a gift.
As it turned out she and her husband had not wanted contact with my parents but eventually relented and she was always the one to have control over the situation. Over the years she remained in contact although not as frequent as my parents had hoped for. But I think they had to be somewhat grateful for the time they did get to have with him. My parents had been made to promise not to tell me where he was.
Michael didn't know at the time that he was adopted and hadn't been told since he was a small boy. I guess his parents had eventually divorced and his Mother decided to wait till he was much older. His younger sister was also adopted and found out, then one day and he supposedly figured he was too and he hadn't taken the news well. He had some emotional issues while growing up and needed extra help and counselling. He didn't understand and was angry about it and so that put our reunion on hold.
This story does have a happy ending.. He is now 24 years old and doing extremely well and although I have talked to his Mom on and off over the last few years, she had suggested that I write him a letter. So I started to write it and stopped, I realized I wasn't ready for this.. I was scared and apprehensive. I finally wrote him a letter and told him why I had given him up. I forwarded copies to my Brother Solipsist and Michael's Birthfather. I was lucky to have found him on Face Book and talk to him once in awhile still. They both had said it was a beautiful and honest letter. So I mailed it.. A couple of month's went by and hadn't heard anything. One day I called his Mom and she told me that he had read the letter and was so happy to hear from me and he had wanted to frame the letter. I was so relieved and happy.. Since then I haven't heard much and will not force myself upon them.. But just knowing that he was happy to read the letter made me feel like I had done a really good thing.. I still feel that way and if and when the day does come, he can always call me or write to me to tell me about himself.
This past weekend we ventured out to a local Open House for "O" Gauge Railway Layout.. We also went to visit my parents for a hot cup'o tea and lovely drive through Mennonite country.. All in all not a bad day and the weather was cooperating for us..CB joined us and we all had fun.. Again sorry for not posting sooner.. enjoy the pics.. I will put some more pics up later of the actual layout..
Many years ago I suffered from depression and was immediately put on Prozac.. At the time it was the "It Drug" for people suffering from depression.. Then I was switched to Zoloft. Neither of those are on top for Anti-depressants. Other drugs have managed to come to the forefront. I couldn't begin to name them all. I have been med free for over ten years now able to deal most days and although I still have times where it hurts.. I don't rely on the drugs. Anyways I was laying in bed last night thinking about my neighbour.. She took 325.6 pills.. blended into a drink.. She was planning to drown herself in the bathtub, but never made it.. She was found next to the tub two days after..
I don't have much faith in the mental health system here in Canada.. Why? Well when my ex-husband attempted repeatedly to kill himself. It was always with the prescried meds he was on.. There are many side effects especially if you manage to survive an attempt. But the doctors kept drugging him up more and changing meds on a regular basis.. Meanwhile there was no one to talk to about it.. The doctors offered no assistnce other than locking them up and be observed like animals in a cage..
Well my neighbour was obviously having some serious issues and didn't trust many people.. She withdrew from her life.. She had three boys that will be forever asking Why? They are having such a difficult tiime accepting that she did this to herself.. As we all are.. my questions are to myself. Where was I? What could I have done to help? But I chose to distance myself from her ongoing drama.. But when I think about what could have been done.. Not very many people stepped up to the plate.. A lot didn't even know she was having problems with her mental health.
Where were the doctors? Why didn't they insist on her getting help? Why didn't she take the help.. As I probably have mentioned before she was selfish person in life and even in death she only thought of herself.. Which angers me.. But she also didn't reach out to many.. One friend that did stand by, felt helpless and was always trying to get her out and get her the help.. She was afraid that her kids would be taken away.. How ironic it is that they lost their Mother .. but they lost their Mother a long time ago.. with this horrible and tragic disease.
